Why you shouldn’t be shamed or guilted into being a ‘better’ you

Shame and guilt are powerful drivers. They do get things done. But are they the right motivators for getting the right things done?

Anne is a wife, mother and successful executive. Housework and school runs are equally shared with her partner Jim. Both enjoy rather active outdoor activities, and the family of three frequently goes out together – camping, hiking, climbing, cycling.

And yet.

“Anne, you’d be a better mother if you didn’t climb. Imagine if something happened to you.”

“Anne, really, it’s different if Jim goes climbing or mountain biking, he’s a man. You really should consider your responsibility as a mother.”

Really?

What makes these statements even more astounding is that they often come from – other women.

Anne is not usually easily fazed, but she admits this shaming or guilting her into not being a good mother is getting to her.

On the surface, it seems easy to dismiss those comments. Why should you care what other people think?

But if your ability to take care of what you hold dear is questioned, it cuts deep.

So, let’s imagine for a moment, Anne took on the guilt and shame of not being a good mother and gave up the sport she loves. What kind of role model would she be for her 14-year-old daughter? What kind of person would Anne become? What would her daughter learn about standing up for herself and the things she values, that fill her with joy and achievement?

On the other hand, why would those other people want to shame and guilt Anne? Is it perhaps because their own status quo is challenged by what Anne does? Because of what the sport gives her - fulfilment? Because Anne does what they are perhaps afraid to try – push boundaries?

Would shaming and guilting Anne into changing really make her a better mother? A better person? Or would it just alleviate the own fears and foster preconceived ideals?

And why is it still perceived to be ok for a father and man to pursue an adventurous hobby but still not for a mother and woman? Who sets the standard of what a ‘good’ or ‘better’ mother is?

Funny, that we admire those who push boundaries and succeed and yet, if they are in our midst, …

If Anne’s story resonates with you and you’re stuck between guilt and the rock/sport/situation you love, come on the adventure with, for and to yourself – www.adventureyourself.com.au