How you talk to yourself matters - you’re good enough

Have you ever noticed that you talk yourself down and your friends up? That you are your own worst critic? How great would it be if you could see and talk to yourself as your friends see and talk to you?

Well, you can. If you want to. The question really is - what is stopping you? Your parents’ voice in back of your head that you are too young or little to do this? The teacher at school saying you aren’t good enough and need to study more? How often have you repeated this to yourself until you believed it? Probably every time you tried something and it didn’t quite work out the way you wanted it to. And yet, when your friends struggled, you talked them up and supported them; “It’s ok” you’d say or “I know you can do this”. And hopefully you have heard them say that to you as well. But how often do you say to yourself “I know I can do this” or “I am good enough”? How often do you talk yourself up - to yourself? Because, you see, you are good enough.

You don’t need to be better than everyone else. You just need to be good enough to do the job - whatever it is - well, and not perfect. Because perfection means faultless and that is almost impossible. Why? Because everyone has different standards, it’s subjective. And you can’t please everyone. Go 80/20. Wanting to be perfect takes too much time, too much effort and brings too much heartache. Time and effort that is better spend doing something else, actioning other items off that to-do list. You know that situation at work when you’ve spend the whole day getting that presentation ‘just perfect’ (in your mind), yet your manager doesn’t like it plus you’ve made little inroad on all the other tasks for the day. And so you walk away feeling bad about the day, yourself and what you have actually achieved. Being hard on yourself can cause anxiety and end up leading to inaction, disengagement and burnout as you begin to believe that your failures are a part of who you are.

Here’s another analogy. In sports, a competitor doesn’t need to be better than everyone else, they just need to be better than the other person or team on that day - and a small margin will be enough. And that will be good enough. Nor do they need to be perfect, they just need to find a solution that works and that delivers results. And that will also be good enough to win. It’s not about getting rid of your standards, but transforming them into stretch goals that support your growth and potential. Then you can celebrate with yourself at each milestone.

So, instead of talking yourself down, talk yourself up. Look at all you have achieved and make it count. And if you’re looking at tackling something new, don’t say, “I’ve never done this before, I can’t do it.”. There was also a time when you had never written a word, ridden a bike or driven a car. Look at yourself and see what you can do.

Let’s get rid of the inner critic, look at yourself as others see you, talk to yourself as you would talk to your best friend. If someone considers you good enough to be their friend - someone they can trust and lean on -, can you consider yourself to be good enough for yourself? Start giving yourself credit, and you will grow your self-confidence, self-esteem and compassion for yourself that will take you to where you want to go. You deserve that because you are you and you are good enough.