This thing called expectations
In my previous posts, I asked if your dreams were ready to come out of lockdown and how you felt about the easing and end of the restrictions.
50% of respondents to my survey answered they saw both pros and cons for themselves in the lifting of the restrictions and the lockdown. And so it came as no big surprise when one of my clients said to me “everyone is expecting me to be all excited and jumping for joy on 11 October, when really, I don’t feel like it. And they just don’t get it and ask what’s wrong with me.”
OK. Wow, double whammy. Firstly, not being able to get 100% excited and secondly, being judged for it.
Let’s have a look at the one thing we can all relate to – expectations. Ours and the expectations of others.
When I grew up, my mom had expectations. She wanted me to be a lady. I didn’t meet her expectations. To this day I own only 2 pairs of high heels, but 3 pairs of climbing shoes, there are more trousers in my closet than dresses, I never had a mani or a pedi and I still have (almost unused) the makeup kit she gave me when I was 14. (I won’t say for how long I had it, but it’s been decades).
My dad, too, had expectations. He wanted me to marry a successful man (lawyer, doctor, business man). Yeah, expectation not met. I married an artist. I am the bread winner in our household, always have and will be. I climbed the corporate ladder and decided to leave the corporate world. I own my business.
Their expectations, my life. I totally get where they were coming from and you do too, right? Wanting the best for their daughter with the best intentions – safety, security, a good life. Maybe (Likely) with the idea to ‘have it better than they did’.
But.
Those expectations aren’t me. I went to live in China, then moved to Australia. I took 10 weeks unpaid leave to walk cross-country from Melbourne to Canberra (as one does :-)), I started rock-climbing. And here to be honest, I am not meeting my own expectations.
My parents would suggest my life style and choices are little low on the safety and security ladder . And I have cut off some friends who kept on wanting to impose their life expectations on me (you can’t just take 10 weeks of unpaid leave to go walking or you must have a long term plan for your career). Fine, but what I do is my definition of a good life. And ultimately, I am happy. Which I probably wouldn’t be if I had lived up to my parents expectations. I can’t live their lives and you can’t live your friends’ lives.
So back to those expectation about how you ‘must’ feel and what you ‘must’ do come October 11. Or what you ‘must’ or ‘should’ do and achieve in general.
Where are those expectations coming from? Are they valid and justified? Do they actually relate to you and your life? And what you want out of your life?
So if you want to go and celebrate, celebrate away. If you want to stay cocooned up a bit longer, maybe party less, take it slowly, that is totally fine too. There is nothing wrong with you. The only thing you ‘have’ to do is make the decision that is right for you.