Why even good change can feel bad
After 18 years, I upgraded my car on the weekend. On the way home from the dealership though, my emotions were all over the place.
There was exhilaration and excitement about the new car. It’s got lots of fancy features like a sunroof, seat heating, infotainment system. All ‘things’ my other car didn’t have.
There was trepidation and nervousness about the new car. It’s an EV and I don’t yet know (or trust) all the technology (220 pages of user manual). The usual ‘what if …’ scenarios ran through my mind. What if I run out of petrol (I mean electricity(!)), what if I scratch it, what if …?
And then there was … grief and sorrow about my old car. Buying the new car feels like saying goodbye to an old and trusted friend. It was the first major investment my husband and I made. And so many wonderful and fun memories associated with ‘the little red car’ – trips with my mom and my best friend, loaded to absolute capacity with our food supplies as we set out on our epic hike, ripping the fuel and the brake lines on different occasions, going off-track as much as a 2WD can go (and then some). 18 years of not failing us, of taking us safely where we wanted to go, no complaining.
Pulling into the empty driveway with the new car, the little red car currently sits on the street, I felt totally emotional – I’ve got a lump in my throat and a brick in my stomach.
In my head, I know the little red car is old. There are many signs and many others that I have chosen to ignore over the last years. The new car is better in so many aspects. Still, I feel like a traitor for buying a new car.
Why is it so hard to change, even if it is for the better?
Is it the letting go of what we know and trust? Is it learning new things and leaving our comfort zone? Is it acknowledging that there is value in what we are leaving behind?
How I feel about my little red car is real for me. Perhaps you have a different ‘little red car' that you are leaving or want to leave behind for your own reasons. If you find it challenging and still want to go on the adventure with, for and to yourself, contact me at sonja@adventureyourself.com.au