Focusing on what I can control rather than stress about what I can't
I catch myself stressing about what I can't control as well. I rail against the lock-down here in Greater Sydney and that I can't travel to see my family in Germany.
If you read closely, you might have noted that I said I can't. Technically, that is not true. I can travel. With significant difficulty - yes. But I could if I really wanted to. Noticing that I made the choice to stay is crucial for me. Nobody made that choice for me. So, ultimately, if that makes me angry, I must recognise for myself that it was my decision. I have no control over the government regulations. I have control over how I think about them and how I manage those.
Talking to friends and family over the last days, it occurred to me again how much emotional and mental effort and resources were funnelled into areas they had and have no control over both here in Australia and in Germany.
In Germany, they are trying to come to terms with the disastrous floods. Many conversations I have focus on decisions made in the past, should have's, if then's and what if's. Frustration and anger at the weather, the past and them (who are 'them'?) come across loud and clear. The focus on the past and 'them' creates a feeling of helplessness and that helplessness makes sense. Because my family and friends can't control those circumstances and never could.
Then there are those who looked at what they can actually do. Some made decisions to donate money, clothing or food. Others offered accommodation or services. Speaking to them, the more standard reply was "there is nothing I can do against the floods, but I can do something to help." Different mindset.
The Circles of Control, Influence and Concern are not my invention, that credit belongs to others.
Please click on the link for the document and worksheets on the Circles of Control, Influence and Concern. If they work for you or you have any questions, please let me know. The four pages include:
1. The General Principles
2. For you to fill out the your current status
3. For you to fill out what your future status
4. Looking at the changes to move from 2 to 3