Are you done being good?

• Good at making miracles happen?

• Good at failing to set boundaries?

• Good at striving for perfection?

• Good at not asking for what you really want?

• Good at making others shine instead of yourself?

It’s nice to be good, but is it getting and giving you what you want?

“Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere”, says Ute Ehrhardt. “Nice girls don’t get the corner office” or “Nice girls don’t speak up or stand out”, writes Dr. Lois Frankel.

How many of us are still “nice” or “good” today, in the 21st century?

My client, a long-term highly qualified HR Manager, was recently told the organisation needed a “feel-good'“ manager, someone who could do the mothering, be the good cop. It was hinted that she was duly qualified as she had three children at home. She told me she was shell-shocked by that proposition. We talked through some strategies on pushing back and setting boundaries (in conversations as well). While her manager said, it wasn’t “nice” that she pushed back on what was - in their opinion - meant as a compliment (?), they did acknowledge, after she had made her case, that their comments and expectations had been inappropriate. Still, the damage had been done and an important piece in their relationship had been broken - trust.

What my client recognised through our conversations was that unconsciously, she had been paving the way for a while. Not only by being nice, pleasant and respectful (all necessary), but by being good about making miracles happen, by striving for perfection and by not speaking up often enough.

Having had that conversation with her manager was an important first step for her. Realising that it was in her power to change outcomes by changing how she “turned up” was empowering for her.

Are you ready to stop being good and go for what you want?